Happy Holidays but...

Christmas is over, and the new year is approaching. The last eight Christmas's were so full of hard work and energy, that after Christmas I tended to want to disappear and find a nice quiet place to meditate to forgive myself for not giving me one minute to rest. This is year was quite different.

I took a little time for me; I think I gave adequate time for the people around me. It was that balance thing where you give your love but not too much. I've learned that you can love people from a short distance without invading their space. Let them see and feel your love but stand aside in respect to them; let them be who they are and love them for it. This is not what I was taught, so practicing this late in my life is a conscience pleasure, a little handicapped, but a pleasure none-the-less.

I really do not like the holidays. I love the meaning of Christmas; showing love, celebrating Jesus's life, the magic, etc. I just don't like what it does to people. The emotion and turmoil that comes from Christmas is mind boggling. The little town that I work in has a population of about 9,600 people, which turns out to be approximately three thousand families. They have a volunteer ambulance and on average maybe get one call a day for emergencies. On December 26th, they received seven calls. The calls were so often that they were afraid they wouldn't be able to make them all. During the season there were at least two or three emergencies on overdose, and in another town Laura Orzo was stabbed to death in her apartment, probably a robbery, she was 85 years old. I have friends that became depressed; they didn't know why, they only know that the holidays are hard for them. Families I know were turned upside down just because; mine is no exception.

So the holidays are over; I'm glad they are. I'm glad that Christmas makes us all think; perhaps that's what makes us emotional. After it's over however, I feel as though I'm coming out from under a shelter that protected me from a violent storm. I wonder what's left, and if the people I know have recovered and feel the storm damage as I do.

I will hold on a little longer; the New Year for me is not usually a celebration of laughter. I quietly mourn the year before and welcome the new one coming in. I hope that the people I love will get through the new year in good health and as happy as possible so we can enjoy our friendships a little while longer.

Some day maybe I won't celebrate Christmas in a traditional manner. Maybe I'll do it in a way that completely surprises me and the people around me. Until then, I'll appreciate what I've got and hope that the holiday spirit of love will stay with us a long as possible.

My Christmas Card to You.

Snow Plowing 101 Part II

It started snowing on Friday, I went home about 9:00 p.m., went to bed and was back at work at 4:30 a.m. Saturday. It was still dark outside but the coffee shop opens at 5:00 a.m. and there was some shoveling to do. So off with my shovel I went, and my boss started plowing the parking lot. After I was finished doing the grunt work, that I love by the way, I hopped in the truck to get warm. That was when my boss said it was time for me to learn how to plow. I was excited the night before because I knew that I would be learning this today. I don't know why this kind of stuff has been exciting me, but hey, when you feel like it's right, you go with the flow. Experience life to the fullest and you will feel fullfilled right?

He showed me how to plow in a basic square area. Not hard I thought, you just have to remember to lift the plow when you back up, and make sure you look in the rear view mirrors. Then he showed me a tight spot and how not to take a building down with the plow. This was going to be fun I thought. Then he hopped out of the truck and said, "you do it." And I did just that. I plowed with him sitting beside me and giving explicit instructions and hints on how to improve my ability. Then he pointed to a square area again, and told me to plow this big open space while he used the big truck to move the heavy stuff. Everything went like clock work, I was handling it just fine.

After him showing me how to do a few driveways, we went over to another parking lot. It was approaching ten o'clock and the stores were opening. There were a few cars here and there, but it didn't seem to bother my boss. For some reason though, when we arrived there was panic everywhere. The store owners were troubled, and they wanted that lot cleared right away. Maybe because it was the last weekend before Christmas, a major storm, and they were worried about business and who would park where.

My boss turned from relaxed plow guy to aggressive truck driver. He told me to take the truck and start plowing the restaurant; I was to first ask the owner where the new septic system was. The owner was outside shoveling, so I gracefully walked over and introduced myself and we talked septic. I figured I'd stay away from the septic, the restaurant, and anything else that looked like it would be expensive to replace and just do the center of the lot.

Well, let me tell you that was not that easy. I was sitting in the center of the parking lot and suddenly couldn't remember where the parking lot met grass. I'd been in this lot a hundred times before, and I couldn't remember where any lines were. The parking lot was gravel and when ever I put the plow down, it scraped up the gravel in a pile. I sat for too long trying to figure out what I should do, so I started driving in circles. Snow doesn't go anywhere if you push it in circles. Around and around I went, then I started to panic. I thought my boss could see that I was driving in circles, or even worse what if people could see that I didn't know what I was doing? So I got out of the truck. Why? I have no idea. The owner of the restaurant came out to talk to me. I could feel the sweat on my feet and my palms. He was pretty nice though after I told him I was in training, he just kind of nodded and said, "I could tell." He also showed me a place where I could screw up. There was piece of grass along side the parking lot that he was going to replace. He said, "start here, it's okay if you mess it up." What a great guy I thought, he must have been through something like this before; either that or he just wasn't in the mood to have to replace part of the building.

Over to the screw up place I went, and did a great job of screwing it up. One nice thing about plowing though, is that you can cover up mistakes with snow, no one finds out until the snow is melted. Anyway, my own training session was over, and I moved over to the dumpsters, got a little better, and then did the rest of the lot. It ended up looking pretty good. My boss came over later and made it look even better with the big truck.

Lesson three: People assume that when your driving a truck with a plow attached, that you know what your doing. They dart in front of you, behind you, and to the side. I almost hit two cars behind me because they thought I saw them. If they only knew!!

Until next time: may the plow you're in back of know where you are at all times.

Snow Plowing 101

Everything has been going pretty smoothly in this new job. Now it's winter, and I need to learn about snow plowing. The storm was predicted to be a big one on Friday, so we worked all day putting the sander in the big red truck. The truck is the size of a town dump truck, I'm not sure what size to call it, but it's pictured above this post. The snow started coming down around 2:00 p.m., and we were getting ready to tackle the storm. About 4:00 we still were not ready, but apparently this is okay, it needs to snow about 4 inches before plowing the commercial parking lots and residents expect this. By 5:00 the storm was more like a blizzard, and we needed to make one more stop before starting to plow.

Lesson one - I haven't driven the pick up with the plow yet, and I haven't driven it in the snow yet. Apparently I had already been trained, and I was ready for this next mission, but someone forgot to tell me. My boss threw me the keys and said let's go. "Go? Go where?" I said. He said to follow him, that we had to get sand for both trucks and some supplies were needed before we went out for the night, so off we went. Have you ever driven a pick up with a snow plow on the front? Well it's pretty damn scary the first time, especially when it's not your truck! The plow was really heavy and with no weight in the back, it kind of felt like I was in a helicopter hovering over the snow; I don't have a helicopter licence, and I don't want one. I had strict instructions to not go over twenty miles per hour. Five miles per hour seemed more reasonable to me! My boss apparently forgot that I was a mother of two little boys at one time and never drove over fifteen in the snow! Change was in my forecast today, and I was not prepared.

I sucked it up and off we went. At first I was horrified, I wanted to roll down the window and shout, "get out of the road, I've never done this before, and I could kill you with this piece of steel in front me!" I was surprised after a few miles though and managed to stay out of any accidents, well almost anyway. I forgot to raise the plow after stopping at one stop and rolled the plow over a rock. I didn't tell my boss though, there was no damage.

Lesson two - When your with guys, and one of their trucks starts to slide in a snow storm like they might be going down a ravine, don't try to run over on foot and tell them about the danger they're in. Chances are they already know it and will take care of it. And why do I know this lesson? The big red truck that my boss was driving started sliding and hit a guard rail in a parking lot. I thought for sure he was going down the ravine behind the guard rail. I jumped out of the pick up, first I put the plow down, then I put it in park; I said that because I forgot to do that a few times too! I got out of the truck and slipped and fell flat on my fanny. Four guys all watched me fall down while the big red truck was slipping all over the place. I quickly rose to my feet and fell again. This time I went all the way down, and yes I as cool as I am, I was looking a little silly. I hoped no one was looking, but as I glanced up, the men all quickly looked away from me with a smile and went back to the more important issue of the big red truck slipping into the guard rail.

By the time I managed to get back on my feet, the guys put the sand down under the big red truck and my boss was pulling away like nothing ever happened. I balanced myself and slowly went back to my truck to follow him. I pretended nothing happened and smiled as I drove away as quietly as I could. I prayed for me not to get stuck and make my embarassment worse.

There's more, but this post is getting too long. So I'll post about my first plow experience tomorrow. Right now I need to sleep. Did you know that every guy that has a plow is up all night long? They start at dark and run through the night. I didn't, I went home, went to bed, and then got up at 3:45 a.m. to meet my boss who was plowing all night. I'll tell you about that after my rest tonight.

Until next time: may your snowy nights be restful and may you be able to laugh at yourself when you least expect it.

Snow and This Boy Was not Happy

Eight inches of snow today! When it first started falling this little boy, went to his owner's car planted his three legs down, he lost one leg somehow, and wouldn't move until he was allowed to get into the car. He was so funny and unhappy about the bad weather that I just had to take this shot of him.

Peeping Out From the Hole

Well, I guess it's almost official, I'm no longer in hiding. I went to a Christmas party last night and actually had a good time. I didn't feel like I should be at home resting, or hiding from everyone I know. I even talked about my former job and what I'm doing now. I found myself a little short with a few people trying be bigger people than I, but I successfully let it roll off my back. I laughed, I listened, and I enjoyed the few moments with everyone I talked to.

I'm glad that this wanting to be in hole was not a permanent thing; I was beginning to feel like it was. I'm learning as I get older that I really don't have to make friends with everyone, and there's something to like in everyone. Maybe I should have known this a long time ago, but I didn't, and I know it now so that's okay with me.

I still want to be invisible, but for now I'm starting to feel a little healthier and more level headed. I love that I was able to rest my emotions and do what I felt was best for me. It's so satisfying to be able to nurture one self.

Did I really say that?

Sometimes I just talk too much. I really should just sit and listen for a good long time before I force any words out of my mouth. Not that I need to beat myself up or anything, but dang, I wish I would just be quiet sometimes. I wish that I could just say I'm sorry while walking into a room before I sit down. That way hopefully, everyone will except my apology in advance and when I say something crazy, they'll just know that I already apologized for it.

So today, I'm sorry. I'm really not the kind of person that says stupid things all the time, just some of the time.

Did that work?

Woman Returns $97,000

This is good test. Would I have returned the $97,000 that I found in the bathroom at Cracker Barrel? Heck, I hope so. Boy oh boy what a surprise that would have been. The woman that found the money is from Tennessee, I always thought the southern folk were extra special. What a great example of honesty and doing the right thing.

In business law the instructor took a survey of how many people thought that if you find money, then it needs to be turned into the authorities and the owner should be found. Most of the class raised their hands when he said how many thought it was finders keepers because it was cash! It's really the law that you should turn it in and it doesn't belong to you. This woman from Tennessee must have known that, or perhaps she really is just a nice person!

I can imagine the panic I would have felt if I lost that money. Good for you Mrs. Watts, you have my utmost respect!

My Aunt Barbara Died

My Aunt Barbara died on December 1st. Her daughter called to let me know. I'm grateful that she took the time to call me. I know that seems weird to say, because it's family and families do that, but I really am grateful; we hardly knew one another. Anyway, my Aunt Barbara and I reconnected a number of years ago. I had a hard time calling her that first time, I don't know why other than I felt so disconnected. She opened her heart immediately and made me feel at home. She was kind, supportive, and full of love. It's how I remember my grandmother, her mom, but I was so young when my Nanna was alive that I feel like I didn't know her that well. I do remember that to me, she was very kind.

Dear Aunt Barbara,
Thank you for opening your heart to me. You gave me more love in the few times we spoke than my own parents did in a life time. Perhaps you knew this and that's why you were there for me, or perhaps you wanted me to see that I wasn't open enough to feel the love that my father had for me. In any case, you gave me something so special that I will keep it with me forever. I love you and I will miss you.
Your Loving Niece

p.s. I hope your wings fit you well, and may the next life bring you all things you ever wished for.

Aunt Barbara could have been a bitter woman; she had some very hard times. Bitter was was not the path she chose though, instead she chose to be happy and to give as much as she was capable of. She loved in ways that seemed impossible to me.

I regret not ever flying to Florida to see her over these last few years. I should have, and she no doubt understands why I didn't, but I should have and I'm sorry for it.

Until next time: may the people you love hold you close in their heart.

The picture is my Dad, who died on January 16, 2008, with my Aunt Barbara, who died on December 1, 2008, when they were feeling well.

A Few Photos

Taken today in the morning. The fog rolled in as a result of the rain from yesterday. Today when I arrived at work, it looked like this.


The Moon along with Jupiter and Venus are putting on a show and forming a triangle in the sky today, December 1, 2008. It might be around a little longer for us to enjoy, meanwhile, tonight it shone brightly for me. This is what I captured with my little Canon Power Shot A630.